As expected, Narendra Modi has been declared the Prime Ministerial candidate for BJP. Despite the smiles and garlands during the anointment in New Delhi, the absence of sulking LK Advani was glaring. His protégé Sushma Swaraj could not have looked sadder. For a moment, I thought she might burst out crying. She quickly left the podium lest the tears actually flowed.

If I was Advani, I would be very happy simply living in the palatial Prithvi Raj Road bungalow the BJP patriarch currently occupies. Though both Modi and Advani are proponents of aggressive Hindu nationalism, their one-time Shudh Desi Romance has gone sour. Despite occupying the same saffron bus, they cannot sit side by side any more forget about kissing and making up. Their ambitions clash.

Modi, who turned 63 this month, believes he can do a Chennai Express scaling new levels of electoral box office achievement single handedly a la Shahrukh Khan, while Advani at 85 is convinced he is entitled to one last Grand Masti as founder of the party.

Sadly, for Advani, that is, the all-powerful RSS has pitched for Modi as PM. Advani maybe down, but definitely not out. In the event of a grand coalition headed by the BJP, the one-time Hindutva poster boy desperately trying to turn statesman could yet be consensus PM or so he believes, by Jinnah.

Yet, it would not be farfetched to say Modi’s larger than life image has subsumed the BJP. Elections 2014 will be Modi versus Congress versus regional parties. Those who vote BJP will vote Modi, those who don’t will vote against Modi.

BJP, RSS will hope anti-incumbency against Congress `misrule,’ Modi’s appeal to GDP growth, stock index, fiscal deficit, TV news obsessed urban middle classes and dollops of aggressive Hindutva posturing, especially in rural Uttar Pradesh and Bihar, will be a winning combo – three electoral baits for one vote.

Modi’s macho image as decisive effective leader has its takers, even among the ladies. Modi’s think tank, though, must be wishing their leader possessed the Mojo of Raghuram Rajan setting saris of well-maintained graying ladies such as Shobha De on fire. Maybe, that is expecting too much in one man.

Unlike De’s recent encomium on Rajan for driving some sex into the sensex, Mallika Sherawat’s singing “Happy birthday Modiji’’ was cheap and distasteful, two sure shot tickets for a Twitter video to go viral online. She could have at least worn a little bikini to offer a bit of value to viewers.

Still, this could be the beginning of a new self-publicity gimmick like deliberately leaked MMS sex videos, especially if Mallika lands another 30 second role in a Hollywood movie. I look forward to Sunny Leone wishing Rahul Gandhiji. She is likely to do so in a little bikini. That would be worth a watch, even for Rahulji, even though the Gandhi scion has said he has not married to focus on nation building, or some such words.

The Congress does not need to declare its PM candidate. In or out of power, the parties PM and deputy PM are Sonia and Rahul Gandhi or the other way round.

It’s all in the family. The rest are dummies required to strictly operate under the Gandhi command endorsing twin goals of faux aam admi (common man) policies and certifying more land banks for a certain son-in-law, known for his distaste for mango people in a banana republic. The guy can get away being tutti-frutti, now that he is a feudal lord a la Asif Zardari.

Any dummy Congress PM also needs to periodically utter he has no problem working under Rahul as PM, who (this part is unsaid) in any case is the PM. For rest of his time in office the dummy PM needs to remain silent.

Sonia Gandhi’s electoral game plan is modeled on late mother-in-law Indira Gandhi’s strategy to tug hearts of the countless poor, hoping the UPA government’s failures on corruption, reforms and growth will be forgotten.

Still, anything is possible in politics and cricket in India. When the Indian cricket team was being pounded by England in England, even Harbhajan Singh fancied his chances as captain though MS Dhoni had other ideas, by Srinivasan.

It is for the same reason that Mayawati, Nitish Kumar, Mulayam Singh Yadav believe they could be PM by procuring votes of dalits, Muslims, Maha dalits, lower castes, backward castes, or some such concoction.

Did I hear rumblings from the South? Yes, Jayalalithaa and Karunanidhi too want to be included in the list of potential PMs, inspired by sleep and snore prone Deve Gowda’s giant leap in the past. I better add Mamata Banerjee too before her goons try to bash me. The Left parties are seeing red for not having mentioned them. Their goons too could bash me. I have an idea for Salman Khan.

Select the above mentioned as Big Boss contestants to replace the current lot of mostly boring nobodies and losers. It would be fun to see who sleeps with whom, politically, that is. Manmohanji can be silent witness.

There is no doubt though that politics will be ugly in the run up to the elections. It has already happened in UP that returns a big 80 seats to the Lok Sabha, a key determinant in any future government formation, coalition or otherwise.

During the recent Muzaffarnagar communal riots every political outfit tried to score brownie points rather than douse the fire.

A local incident linked to eve teasing was blown out of proportion, while the administration chose to look the other way until it was too late. The leaders who incited the local population should go to jail. They are no worse than perpetrators of gang rapes in Delhi and Mumbai that horrified the nation.

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