Often, Indian media predictions go horribly wrong, like election results. In the case of Rani Mukherjee and Aditya Chopra impending marriage, the speculation has turned out right. Congratulations to gossip columns, paparazzi and others in the business of news that sells briskly in India and elsewhere in the world.

That Aditya and Rani, cleverly referred as Adani on social media in times of aggressive election mudslinging, were an item has been floating around for some time.

Pictures of Rani celebrating Diwali, hanging out with Aditya’s family members, holding her future mother-in-law’s hands (not Chopra, mind you) are in the public domain. Unlike Rani, there are hardly any photos or videos of Chopra. There is one passport size picture, probably leaked by the immigration people. I have Googled couple of photos of Aditya, Rani together. They seem morphed and grainy as if belonging to another era.

This is an amazing achievement given point and shoot mobile phones, CCTV’s and citizen paparazzi everywhere. Chopra, after all, is an immensely successful Bollywood director and producer. I have read interviews of Shahrukh Khan speaking about meeting Chopra to discuss Chak De India and earlier Dilwale Dhulhania Le Jayenge, proving that the ace movie maker exists somewhere in Mumbai. Tracking Chopra is a whodunit.

Like, a super hero movie in which Chopra has directed his own self to disappear like Mr India. Narendra Modi has mastered the art of dominating public consciousness and every media, TV, 3D, Twitter, mobile phones, FM radio, Facebook, Print and Online news.

Bollywood should make a movie starring Modi playing himself, to complete the picture. I owe Modi a personal thank you for replacing the recorded voice of the lady who unfailingly called on my mobile phone and laughed like a Vampire. “Main Narendra Modi bol raha hoon,” sounds so much more soothing in comparison.

Modi’s number one TRP positioning was briefly challenged by Arvind Kejriwal, especially when the AAP leader took to street protests as chief minister. This created the spectacle of the state taking on the state. Unlike Modi, Chopra is the undisputed national champion in being invisible while visibly making movies starring A-listers, dating a top Bollywood actress for many years it seems and heading the immensely successful Yash Raj banner.

It is also apparent that Chopra’s talent of remaining unseen does not run in rest of the family. For example, pictures of younger brother Uday Chopra at a beach with the very beautiful Nargis Fakhri (apologies, but the surname does pronounce a little awkward) emerged shortly after rumors of the two seeing each other surfaced. One can easily guess what Chopra Junior sees in Fakhri, but not the other way round. Just as it is difficult to exactly define or pin point Junior Chopra’s roles in Dhoom 1, 2 and 3 – more Whodunits?

In the global situation, probably Dawood Ibrahim is close competition of being there, yet not being there, like Chopra. Earlier it was Osama Bin Laden. America looked for him everywhere. Ultimately he was found living comfortably near Islamabad with his many families. Washington did appear inept. Almost like looking for your keys when they are inside your own pocket.

Presently, like Chopra, there are various versions of the same picture of Dawood floating about for decades now — at the Sharjah cricket ground, known equally well for Javed Miandad’s last ball six, birth of match fixing and now IPL. But then Ibrahim is a terrorist and needs to hide or be hidden by Pakistan’s ISI. No reason for RAW to hide Chopra, it is self imposed. Given the inefficient workings of our intelligence agencies, they would have failed in any case.

Nobody knew about the Rani-Chopra wedding until it happened in Italy. Even the omnipresent TV cameras that specialize in shooting celebrities at Mumbai airport seem to have missed the departures of Rani, Chopra, their friends and relatives. The wedding itself was a small private ceremony. Why go all the way to Italy for a small private party, I have not figured till now? Another Whodunit that only Chopra can answer so will remain unanswered, unless Arnab Goswami declares it to be an issue that the nation wants to know. Here’s wishing the couple a very happy married life. Hope to see pictures of the babies when then have some.

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